I must be too annoying 4 u.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
