**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
