just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
