I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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