i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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