If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
