OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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