There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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