GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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