Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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