my being single is dangerous.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Drake has all the answers
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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