My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
