I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
