I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
