please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
