:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
