the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
