I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
