"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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