my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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