Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
