ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
