That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
