When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
