Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
