By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
