The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
