ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
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Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
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AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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