got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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