There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
