All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
