cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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