Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
