where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
