Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
