margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
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