the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
