I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
