And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize