I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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