Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
