Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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