and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
