there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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