We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
