she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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