Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
