On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
