Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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