You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
