i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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