The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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