shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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