What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
