Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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