Screwed.edu
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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