She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
