if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
