If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
