This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
