physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
