And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
