You're completely useless in the revolution.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
