Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
